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With Love, From Beijing

Using Chapman’ Five Love Languages, I’ve noted a few of the simple ways Beijing makes me feel loved, uniquely recognized and valued and how I’ve achieved a sense of belonging.

The word LOVE, in its degraded form, is used to describe just about anything: “I love pizza,” “I love tennis” or “I’d love a massage.” Yet, to say you love something or someone still carries some weight.

I want to say in this special season of love, passion, flowers and dark chocolates: I love Beijing.

No, Beijing is not known as the city of love, like Paris. It lacks an original slogan like the Big Apple’s “I heart NY” stamped across t-shirts, and it has no singer who claims to have left his heart in the city, like San Francisco. Beijing still has problems, like pollution, traffic congestion and, among other matters, rising food costs, and I admit that life in Beijing can be challenging at times, but, very simply, I love Beijing because it loves me. Beijing speaks my languages of love.

The “Five Love Languages” is a concept developed by Gary Chapman, PhD, a relationship counsellor and author in the United States. Having worked with thousands of couples, his observation, and the premise of his book, is that there are five basic types of love languages in human relations.

Each person has a different primary love language in how love is received and expressed. Chapman concludes that while we know all relationships have conflicts, thus requiring effort to develop and grow, the strongest relationships come from those who can best understand and “speak” each other’s love language. His inspiration came from the core human longing the need to feel loved.

Since moving to Beijing from Los Angeles four years ago, I’ve had my share of challenges of life in the city. But like all relationships worth keeping, I had to work things through. Using Chapman’s Five Love Languages, I’ve noted a few of the simple ways Beijing makes me feel loved, uniquely recognized and valued and how I've achieved a sense of belonging.

1) Words of Affirmation –

This is the feeling that comes from written or spoken compliments, encouragement and appreciation of your being. Simply look around the city and there are banners and billboards advertising products and services of good fortune, prosperity and the newest cell phone model that commend you for being alive in this century to enjoy them. And who can miss all the Good Luck Beijing signage that makes it possible for even non-athletes to appreciate and anticipate the upcoming Beijing 2008 Games.

You get it when you walk into any restaurant or store and listen for the “Huan ying guang ling” welcome chant of the waiters and staff. My favourite words of affirmation recently came when I heard the news that China’s economy continues to grow and my renminbi-based salary this month will be worth more than last month on the world market. 

2) Quality Time –

This comes with focused attention on you in a span of time. Getting away to the outskirts of the city to Huairou or Mentougou certainly is an option for quality time of shared experiences. But I really love the world-class museums and galleries in Beijing.  You can easily lose track of time going through 798 or Beijing Art Gallery and catching a concert in Zhongshan Park Concert Hall. Arrive to the show early and walk on the grounds where emperors once resided. Ironically, the traffic in Beijing often affords me quality time, and increased city knowledge with a talkative cabbie. 

3)  Receiving Gifts –

This feeling of love comes with the visual and tangible symbols of love, whether given or received. This may require no explanation; you can find some of the objects of love in shopper's paradises such as Beijing’s Silk Street, Yashow, Hongqiao, Tianyi, under the subway station, on the street corners. 

4) Acts of Service –

This feeling of being loved accompanies receiving help with responsibilities, tasks and burdensome chores. It’s one thing to hire someone to do the washing and cleaning, but a strong sense of love and gratefulness arises when these things are done “in the nick of time.” How can one not feel loved when there are people who can deliver groceries to your door at any hour of the day? Just this morning we called for some wheat bread to be brought up. And all non-car owners like me can appreciate the readiness of a cab at the hail of a hand. (Of course, this does not apply on rainy or snowy days.)

5)  Physical Touch –

A feeling of being loved can be felt when receiving physical contact and stimulation.  After a recent shoulder injury that sent me to a massage therapist and acupuncturist for several weeks, I felt that kind of love. I also feel love in the many ways Beijing allows me to have contact with the history and culture of the Chinese people. To walk through the hutong, especially those near Houhai, and Hepingmen, and being able to rub on the knobs and stones of aged neighbourhoods and talk to long-time residents is very stimulating.