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The Case of the RACE of the TWELVE ZODIAC ANIMALS

A mob of customers came to my office with torches; all were screaming for answers. “How was the order of the zodiac animals decided?”

From my balcony I explained, after giving them a proper Spring Festival greeting, “I wish you a happy Spring Festival.” (Zhu ni Chunjie kuaile.) {By the end of this story you will learn this phrase completely.}

IT WAS DARK. The ageless nothing grew bored and restless like a lonely elevator operator. So yawned the awakening of the Jade emperor. It was the first Spring Festival (Chunjie) ever! A voice called down to the animals in the darkness, “Thee shall race to the Heavens, to the future spot of the ninth sun. (in Chinese legend there were nine suns) Thine hoofs and quick paws will carry the light of hope to every trail you touch, every road you ride, every world you wade through. You will be the years and the counting of the years will be you. The first animal to reach the ninth sun shall be the first to loft the torch of life. Every human child born in the year that you hold the torch will be your child; made in your image, with your traits and wants, your abilities to make friends and muster enemies, as well as your special brand of creative contributions! If the animal is happy (kuaile), then a human born in that year will be kuaile. At the end of every year the torch will change hands. At the start of the second Chunjie, the torch will be held by whoever comes in second in the race, and so on down the line.”

The waves of the Jade Emperor’s command stirred the twelve animals in different ways.

The dog (gou) hopped to attention, obediently showing the others the general direction of the ninth sun. With dripping nose pointed, the canine candidate bounded off.

The rooster, (gongji) which was pecking at the dog’s tail at the time of the announ-cement, was next to react. The rooster (gongji) lifted his long wings, which would have made for a delicious Chunjie meal. He crowed twice while shaking his face sacks, and then followed the gou, mainly because he thought the dog was funny!

The playful monkey (houzi) and the gluttonous boar (zhu) decided first to finish their game of mah-jong in the mud, “Always finish the game,” whooped the monkey, “And never leave your filth until you have played in it a few times,” snorted the chubby boar (zhu).

Those two were passed by the sour-faced slithering snake (she), who was quietly but ever so diligently doing his duty. The grand stallion (ma), white of mane, was loyal to the race but felt the fear of the snake in his brain. So hoofs slowed enough to hide, until the prancing sheep (yang) joined the horse’s side, adding, “Zhu ni Chunjie kuaile.”

The rabbit (tuzi) started then, bursting from its den, burning down the celestial trail so fast that all the rest just saw his cotton tail, “Hey slowpokes, I wish you good luck (Zhu ni haoyun!).”

The tiger (laohu) was enraged by the hare's speed. Pushed to hunger and its need, the beast of beasts took chase to feed. The tiger's roar awoke the sleeping dragon (long) which was content in dreams as most dragons are. But the noise reminded him of what it was to be within the definition of awake. If he had had wings, like western dragons, he would have finished the race in two strokes. 

The hard working ox (niu) had anticipated the race, so he enjoyed a large lead from the get-go––as he started working hard to win three months before the other animals.

It was the niu that approached the finish line first. The niu looked back to say, “Zhu ni Chunjie kuaile!”

Froth of exhaustion flapped from his mouth, as even the thousand hairs on his back were tired. Just as the ox's nose was about to cross the finish line, off jumped the hidden rat (haozi), which dashed across the finish line to win the race. The clever master rodent had enjoyed a free ride from the ox (niu) the entire time.

So the super-duper clever haozi was the first animal of the cycle, the first to hold the torch of brightness. The rat drained all other competitors of their smiles! The rat was first to please the Jade Emperor. IT WAS LIGHT!

But who came in last, you ask? The boar (zhu), of course. So I told the mob outside my office, “The Year of the Boar is the last year of the cycle, make good use of it! And Zhu ni Chunjie kuaile!”