The Parenting Game...

What is typical of children's behavior in terms of their age, and to which factors should parents pay particular attention?

There are three "growing" phases related to age: Infancy, Childhood and Adolescence. During a child's infancy, parents should pay attention to their baby's crying, bodily movements and eye-expressions because each reflect the way he or she might be feeling. A cry, for example, can mirror hunger, pain, anxiety, discomfort or the need to be held and comforted. Parents should be more sensitive to the child's movements and emotions because it leads to closer bonding.

Starting school during the childhood period is a new world to a child. Parents should observe how their offspring relate to other people, including classmates, teachers and family members. Some children are prone to variety of psychological problems such as attention-deficit-hyperactivity and distractive behavior disorders, both of which can be helped with psychological treatment. Don't isolate your children; instead, find more time to communicate with them and find out what they are thinking.

Entering adolescence, young people start to form their own views about the world and begin to endure stress from many sides. Some of them might develop eating problems such as anorexia or become defiant to adults and or authority. During this period, parents should increase communication periods with their children to try to better understand them, and build up trust. They can remind them that they, too, were once adolescents and thus understand some of the things that upset or confuse them. Parents can also tell them how they, as adults, see the world.

How different is the current generation of children to its predecessor?

The difference is actually cultural, and cultural difference means a learning difference. Modern society moves faster than before, and young people learn more every day than ever before because of vastly improved technical communications. It is obvious that modern children are subjected to much heavier stress that counterparts of the past. To relieve their children's stress, parents need to talk to them more openly and urge them to reveal their problems on the basis that "our ears are always open to you because we love you and care about you".

What, typically, are the reaction and behavior of foreign children when coming to live in China? How can parents help them adjust to and reconcile the move?

When foreign children come to China, they usually find a world totally different to what they have known. They cannot speak the new language, they have a different cultural background and learning to the people around them. Any and all these things can lead to symptoms such as anxiety, depression, eating problems, anger and difficulty in the school. Parents of foreign children should therefore be even more friendly towards their children, and not "play God" as much as when they lived in their home country.

Parents need to gently remind their children that they, too, are in a foreign land, and facing similar problems of readjustment. They should further confide in their children with statements like: "Let's face all these new things together, and talk about them so that we can understand everything'. Parents should cultivate open communication with their children, and thus encourage their confidence in facing up to and handling new challeges and life demands.

How different are Chinese children to those from foreign countries, especially western?

In China to some respect due to the one-child policy and other cultural issues a child might be more highly the focus of the family in regard to parental dreams, expectations and demands. Parents try their best to give their children almost everything they really can afford, and the children consequently become more demanding which further burdens the family's physical and emotional resources. On the other hand, Chinese parents quite often over-emphasize their children's learning and excelling in many other subjects besides their education including art, new skills, etc. Consequently, children might not have much time for relaxation, fun and creativity.

By contrast western children are much more free from an early age to indulge in their choices, things that interest them rather than strict parental demands and preferences. Often, in fact, parents might be so busy in their career that they might not have enough time to take full care of their youngsters in terms of communication, proper discipline and other parental issues.

Obviously, there are both positive and negative parenting pointers in these two cultures; however, to achieve more ideal parenting would be to find a balance between both styles of parenting in view of parental demands and children's freedom and aspirations to learn, succeed and maintain emotional health.